Is my honesty a turn-off?
There is a specific kind of pain that comes with the “talking stage.” You spend weeks, sometimes months, getting to know a girl. You learn her favorite food, you reply to her late-night texts, and you really invest your time and emotions. You stay patient and you hope for the best.
But lately, it always ends the same way. The talking stage just fades out, or she suddenly stops. And in the end, I’m never the chosen guy.
Why I talk to a lot of girls
People judge me when they find out I talk to multiple girls at the same time. They think I’m just playing around. But the truth is, it’s my way of coping with the ghostings. When you get rejected or left behind so many times, you get scared. You stop putting all your effort into just one person because you’re terrified of getting hurt again. I talk to a lot of girls because I’m always expecting that the first few will leave me anyway. Has it become a phobia?
But even if I talk to multiple people, I don’t want to play games. That’s why I choose to be 100% transparent. If a girl asks me, I tell her straight up how many girls I’m talking to and who they are. I don’t like hiding things, and I don’t want to lie.
But it looks like being too honest has a price.
The problem with being public
Since I create content online, being a Blogger and Influencer, my life is out there for everyone to see. When I try to talk to a girl by posting videos and tagging them or private messaging them into social media, it usually ends up out in the open. I thought I was just being real with my followers, but now I’m realizing the impact it actually has:
- Girls don’t feel special: When a girl sees herself on my posts or sees other girls on my page—the magic of the talking stage is completely gone. Girls might think I’m playing with them.
- It feels like content, not connection: What should have been private and exclusive suddenly feels like it’s just being used for views and social media.
- She feels like just an option: Seeing other girls on my feed makes her feel like she’s just one of many choices, instead of someone special.
- A green flag turned red: I thought being transparent about everything was a good thing, but to them, it probably looks like a major red flag.
- Driving them away: My openness might actually be the exact reason why they leave.
- Choosing privacy over clout: In the end, they choose other guys who can offer them a quiet, private relationship instead of a public life online.
At the end of the day, I choose to be transparent because I genuinely don’t want to lie to girls. I always think that lying to a girl is a bad thing, no matter the situation. For me, honesty isn’t just for the talking stage either. Even if I already have a girlfriend, I would still be transparent with her about the other girls I’m flirting with. I just believe in putting everything out there, even if it hurts.
Maybe what I really need is to find a girlfriend who is completely down with a one-sided open relationship. If I can find someone who understands that lifestyle—where she belongs to me and no one else, but she is totally cool with me being upfront about flirting with others—then my transparency wouldn’t be a problem anymore. It would just be our normal.
I’m not a fake “White Knight”
The most painful part is looking at the guys they actually choose.
I see so many guys out there acting like a “white knight.” They pretend to be heroes, swooping in when a girl is sad or emotionally vulnerable. They take advantage of her fragile mentality just to get what they want. They say all the right words and act so sweet, but it’s all fake chivalry. They hide their real intentions and they hide the other things they do—and yet, they are the ones who win the girl.
For example, when a girl is depressed, crying, and feeling like she’s completely abandoned and the whole world is against her, that’s when these guys see an opening. They use that exact moment of weakness as an opportunity to manipulate her, pretending to be her savior just to get close to her. They build a connection based on her low points, using her trauma just to win her over.
In psychology terms, this isn’t genuine emotional support or empathy at all. It’s a form of manipulative grooming driven by a malicious savior complex. Instead of helping her heal, they practice predatory emotional exploitation, intentionally creating a dynamic of dependence while she is at her lowest. They weaponize her vulnerability to take advantage of her, which is a toxic psychological tactic designed for control, not care.
I can never do that. I will never manipulate a girl or use her weak moments just to make her like me. I show my real, unfiltered self from day one.
But it hurts to see that the guys who lie and play roles are the ones who get chosen, while the guy who lays down all his cards is left alone.
I’ll keep being honest, because that’s just who I am. It is what it is but it gets really lonely being the guy who is always good enough to talk to, but never the one they choose to stay with.
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